429 | "All We Do Is Play": When an Anxious Child Wants to Quit Therapy

Episode summary

In this episode, I answer a question about an 11-year-old with significant social anxiety who, seven sessions into CCPT, tells a parent that therapy is a waste of time because "all we do is play." I unpack what may actually be happening beneath that statement, including resistance, avoidance, parental expectations, and the overwhelming vulnerability therapy can create for an anxious child. I also explore the child's perfectionistic play and explain how anxiety, power and control, and low self-esteem often work together—especially when a child would rather destroy something than tolerate the experience of not getting it exactly right.

I also address whether the therapist should bring the child's comments into the playroom—and why I wouldn't. Instead, I explain why our job is to reassure and educate the parent while protecting the child's trust and allowing therapy to unfold at the child's pace. With anxious children, we don't force or rush the work, but we also don't reinforce avoidance by allowing them to escape it. Sometimes "therapy isn't helping" is actually a sign that the child has reached a difficult and necessary part of the therapeutic process.