433 | What Do You Say When a Child Asks If You Actually Like Them?

Episode summary

In this episode, I answer a question about an 11-year-old who repeatedly tells his therapist, "You don't really want to spend time with me," "You'd rather be somewhere else," and "You're only doing this for the money." Rather than treating these statements as questions that need to be answered or beliefs that need to be corrected, I explain why we need to look underneath them. For this child, these comments may reveal much deeper struggles with self-esteem, self-worth, identity, vulnerability, and trust in the relationship. He wants to believe the therapist genuinely enjoys being with him, but his own view of himself makes that difficult to accept.

I also explore an important balance in CCPT: remaining adherent without becoming unnatural in the playroom. Sometimes reflecting content is enough; other times, a simple statement of fact or relational truth—"I'm here playing with you" or "I like spending time with you"—allows us to respond genuinely without taking over the conversation or rescuing the child from their feelings. The key is understanding why the child is asking and responding to the deeper work rather than getting caught up in the literal question.