350 | Two Common Challenges: Self-Esteem Work and Separation Anxiety

Episode summary

In this episode, I respond to two questions from Megan in D.C.—one about navigating self-esteem work and another about handling separation anxiety in school settings. I explain how to respond when a child asks for praise or directs you to say something specific, such as "Say yes." Rather than refusing or complying without context, I share how to reflect the request first ("You want me to say that I like your drawing") before complying. This approach maintains the focus on the child while allowing the work on self-worth and validation to unfold naturally over time.

Then I address a complex separation anxiety scenario in a school-based setting. I outline how to advocate for the child by becoming the single point person to eliminate confusion and inconsistency among staff. I also explain how to respond to the child's distress using reflection, patience, and containment—without rescuing or distracting—so the child can develop coping and self-regulation. Finally, I offer practical language parents and teachers can use, including choice-giving and neutral limit-setting, to support the child's adjustment while maintaining boundaries.