Unconditional Acceptance: The Heart of Child-Centered Play Therapy

In this episode of our summer school series, I delve into a powerful passage from Garry Landreth’s “The Art of the Relationship.” I explore the concept of children’s unique personalities and how they affect their therapeutic journey. Using Landreth’s vivid analogies of children being like popcorn, molasses, mushrooms, or orchids, I discuss the importance of accepting and respecting each child’s individual pace and style in therapy.

I emphasize the core principle of child-centered play therapy: unconditional acceptance of children as they are. I explain why it’s crucial for therapists to be patient with both quick-blooming “mushroom” children and slow-developing “orchid” children. I also address the common challenge of managing expectations from parents and other adults who may not understand our non-directive approach.

Finally, I share a touching anecdote about a play therapist in Iran setting up her playroom, highlighting the global impact of child-centered play therapy. I encourage listeners to remember the significance of every moment spent with a child in the playroom and the lifelong impact it can have.

Episode Reference:
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.

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The Art of Accepting Children’s Unique Personalities in Play Therapy

In our ongoing summer school series, we’re diving into seminal works in the child-centered space. Today, we’re exploring a powerful passage from Garry Landreth’s “Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship.” This book is a must-have for any child-centered play therapist, offering invaluable insights into our way of being with children.

Children Are Like Popcorn and Molasses

Landreth beautifully illustrates the diverse personalities of children using vivid analogies. He writes:

“Some children are like popcorn, they do everything with great bursts of energy and activity… They’re like bumblebees capable of seemingly motionless, hovering when something captures their attention, then they zoom off with a great burst of motion and buzz of noise to find something else of interest” (Landreth, 2023.)

These are the children who might be mistaken for having ADHD, but it’s crucial to understand that this behavior isn’t inherently problematic. It’s simply one way children explore their world.

On the other hand, “Other children are like molasses and can barely be poured from one place to another. They do everything with great deliberateness and careful consideration… They’re like gyroscopes, everything is functioning and spinning on the inside as it should. But little if any movement or change is observable on the outside” (Landreth, 2023.)

These children might be seen as shy or reserved, but again, this isn’t inherently a problem. It’s just another way of being.

Mushrooms and Orchids: The Pace of Growth

Landreth extends his analogy to the pace of children’s growth and healing:

“Some children are like mushrooms, they pop forth overnight. Other children are like orchids. They take 7 to 12 years to bloom” (Landreth, 2023.)

This insight is crucial for us as play therapists. We must be prepared to work at the child’s pace, whether they’re quick to show progress or need more time. As Landreth emphasizes, “The effective play therapist is the kind of person who waits for orchids but is patient with mushrooms” (Landreth, 2023.)

The Core of Child-Centered Play Therapy

These analogies beautifully illustrate the core principle of our approach: unconditional acceptance. We accept children as they are, where they are, when they are, for who they are. We don’t expect them to change or want them to be different. Whether a child is like popcorn or molasses, a mushroom or an orchid, they are equally accepted and valued in our playroom.

Trusting the Child’s Innate Ability

Landreth reminds us that “Each child has his unique approach to the solution to problems and how life should be lived” (Landreth, 2023.)  As child-centered play therapists, we believe that children already possess the qualities necessary for growth and maturity. Our role is to wait patiently as they discover their unique selves.

Navigating External Pressures

One of the most challenging aspects of our work is managing expectations from parents and other significant adults in the child’s life. We often face pressure to direct the child’s play or to address specific issues. However, as Landreth states:

“The therapist has a sincere belief in the child’s ability to work out difficulties and so does not out of his or her impatience suggest that the child become involved in other activities or talk about more important topics which other significant adults have said are important and should be explored because this child needs to change” (Landreth, 2023.)

It’s our responsibility to help parents and other adults understand our approach through clear communication and expectation-setting.

Respect as the Foundation

Respect is fundamental to our approach. As Landreth writes, “Because the therapist respects the child. He does not interrupt or talk down to the child. Nor does the therapist discount what the child says or the feelings he experiences” (Landreth, 2023.)

This mutual respect is crucial. Even if children can’t articulate it, they understand the reciprocal nature of respect in relationships. By offering unconditional respect, we create an environment where children feel safe to explore and grow.

The Global Impact of Child-Centered Play Therapy

To conclude, I want to share a touching story that illustrates the global impact of our work. Recently, I received an email from an Iranian play therapist who was setting up her playroom. She shared a photo of her newly established space, inspired by our “Field of Dreams” episode.

This reminder of playrooms springing up worldwide is deeply moving. Each playroom we create, each carefully selected toy we place, opens the door for amazing transformations in children’s lives.

As child-centered play therapists, we have the privilege of creating special spaces where children can flourish, thrive, and heal. Every moment spent with a child in the playroom has lifelong significance. Whether we’re working with popcorn kids or molasses children, waiting for mushrooms to pop up or orchids to bloom, our patient, accepting presence makes a profound difference.

Let’s continue to celebrate the power of our work and remember the why behind what we do. In playrooms around the world, we’re making a difference, one child at a time.